


A Zemnian Lullaby

by hufflepirate



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Drawing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Lullabies, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 15:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hufflepirate/pseuds/hufflepirate
Summary: Just because they're safe now doesn't mean things are easy. Yasha and Caleb take watch right after everyone gets rescued and help Jester when she wakes up from a nightmare.(Please just go with me in assuming everyone is gonna make it through the next couple of episodes. I can't even handle it if they don't.)





	A Zemnian Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Technically spoilers for campaign 2 episode 28, but just the barebones details of Taliesin's new character. Otherwise no concrete spoilers for anything after "Found and Lost." This is fanfic. We skip to the end and write aftermath fic like FANS.

Watching her friends sleep, Yasha couldn't stop the shivers that ran periodically across her back. The number of blanketed lumps was right but the people underneath the blankets weren't, and the hollow in her chest felt nearly unbearable even without the extra shivers.

Evil and good were messy. Other people were messy. Her _feelings_ were messy. She'd wanted nothing more than open space for so long, but now that she was out here, keeping watch and feeling the waves of mess wash over her, she couldn't help pulling in on herself, tugging her legs tighter against her chest as a soft grunt from Caduceus reminded her, again, that Molly was gone.

She tore her eyes away from the firbolg and looked over at Beau instead. When they'd all gone to bed, the monk had nearly glowed with determination as she insisted that she and Nott and Caleb would take the watches, like they had while they were separated, and everyone else could sleep through the night.

She should have appreciated it. It was well meant. They were partially healed now, but there was only so much even two clerics together could do. There was only so much _anyone_ could do when half the wounds were emotional.

She _hadn't_ appreciated being told not to take a watch, because she wasn't sure she could sleep anyway, awash in all of this.

She looked away from Beau, watching Caleb out of the corner of her eye instead. She _had_ appreciated it when Caleb watched her get up for the last watch and just nodded at her as she came over to sit by him. They'd been sitting like this for more than an hour and he hadn't spoken, just twisting some small object in his hands, his fingers concealing it from her as he moved it around and around and around.

A soft familiar cry drew her attention back away from the wizard, and she was halfway to her feet before she realized Jester was still asleep and still healing and everything was alright. She stayed in a half crouch, watching Jester's lump of blankets for a moment.

"She's dreaming," Caleb said beside her, just barely above a whisper.

"Oh," she said, "Right."

"You are all safe now."

Yasha bit her lip and didn't say any of the half-baked things she wanted to in reply. _They_ were safe. But not everyone had made it and the thought that Molly had come after her and that he had - she pushed the thought back again with a grunt, and didn't feel guilty about how disapproving it sounded.

Caleb blushed, coloring noticably in the firelight. Then he scrambled to his feet. "I'll go check on her."

He didn't meet her eyes on his way past, but that was alright. She wouldn't have known what to do if he had. She sat back down on the ground, breathing through another wave of messy emotions she couldn't parse out, but keeping her limbs loose so the other two wouldn't notice.

Caleb was still a few steps away from Jester when the girl let out a loud gasp and then sat up. Yasha could see the fear on her face from here, and when Caleb squatted down beside her, steadying himself with one hand, she guessed he could probably see it too, even with his weak human eyes.

His whisper didn't carry all the way over to her, but as she strained her ears, she could pick up the tone. It was soothing, and the hollow feeling in her chest got momentarily less intense as she thought about how far he'd come from the night they sat together and talked about how to get along with people.

He couldn't keep hunkered down forever without wobbling, and his voice got a little bit louder as he pulled back up to his feet, just loud enough that she could make out the end of it, "- with me and Yasha for a little bit, ja? Just until you feel better."

Jester nodded, letting Caleb help her up to her feet and keeping her blanket pulled securely around her.

Yasha looked away as they walked up, trying to look like she'd been checking for danger the whole time, so that they wouldn't feel stared at.

Caleb was still blushing faintly when he made it back to them, and as Jester sat down next to her, closer than she might have, once, Yasha felt the corner of her mouth pulling toward a smile to match her tiefling friend.

"Caleb is blushing because he almost fell over," Jester whispered conspiratorially to Yasha, "Or maybe it's because he is being nice and he doesn't think he's a very nice person. But _I_ think he's a nice person _sometimes_ , when he _wants_ to be." She raised her voice a little bit, still being careful not to wake the rest of the Nein. "You can't fool me, _Caleb_!  _I_ know you're really a nice person."

"No," he answered, focusing his attention on sitting down instead of looking at either of them. "I am an asshole. I just have also had bad dreams." His blush was darkening, and Yasha leaned lightly into Jester to cut the other girl off before she could make it worse.

Jester leaned back into the contact, and Yasha closed her eyes for a moment. She remembered not wanting this kind of contact. She remembered how recently that had been. But after all that time in cages, she had changed, and the contact was steadying. She breathed deeply, letting the feeling of her side and Jester's against each other be real and solid in the ways all the messy abstractions of the world weren't.

"You couldn't sleep either, huh?" Jester asked her.

"No," she answered, "And I feel better on watch."

"I feel better sleeping," Jester said, "Everything still hurts. But I -" she cut herself off, and Yasha turned toward her, surprised.

Jester looked over at Caleb, and the wizard glanced over, too, meeting Jester's eyes this time.

Jester didn't finish the sentence. Yasha pressed a little harder into her side, hoping that was comforting.

Caleb cleared her throat and Yasha looked over Jester's head at him. "You could - you could _sleep_ over here too, I think. If it would help."

Jester shook her head. "It's ok, Caleb. I trust you guys to watch, it's just you can't watch out for bad dreams. Only my Mama can do that, and she's not here."

Caleb took a breath, opened his mouth, and closed it again.

Jester laughed. "Ok, I know she can't _really_ watch out for bad dreams, because she's not magic, like that kind of magic anyway, but she's my _Mama_ and I never had a bad dream once my Mama was there, just if she wasn't there, and then I would wait for her to be alone and I would go to her room and then she would sing me songs until I fell asleep, and I never had a bad dream that way! Because she was my Mama! But she's not here now."

"Oh," Caleb said, looking uneasy. His eyes flashed sideways to meet hers, a pleading look running through them before he turned back to Jester and concealed it.

Yasha cleared her throat, but she wasn't sure what to say, either. Jester turned to look at her, and she let herself speak from the heart, right or not. "I wish it were raining," she said, "I always feel better when it rains. Even if it means I have to go. Just knowing the Stormlord is there is - good."

Jester looked thoughtful. Caleb looked like he was calculating quickly in his head. Yasha could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. Suddenly, a small ball of light shot out of his hand, and he quickly covered it with a thin cloth, moving it to keep the light away from their sleeping friends.

"Here," he said, "Maybe you could write to the Traveler. I know you've done that before."

Jester looked surprised. "What should I write?"

Caleb shrugged awkwardly. "What do you usually write?"

Jester furrowed her brow. "I usually tell him what happened that day, and if we fought anything, and anything we found. But I already did that." Yasha could _see_ her having an idea. Jester's forehead relaxed and she grinned as she looked sideways at Caleb. " _I_ know. I'll tell him about how I had a bad dream, but my _good friend Caleb_ woke me up and he was _blushing_ like a silly goose and he let me sit with him because he's _nice_."

Caleb blushed again and Jester cackled, but Yasha gave him a thumbs up where Jester couldn't see, so he'd know he'd done well.

"You could tell him Yasha told you about the Stormlord," he said, clearly trying to deflect Jester's attention off of him.

"I could tell him _lots_ of things," Jester said happily, sounding better than she had since she woke up, "But I'm _going_ to draw him a picture of you blushing so much. I think I still have some red ink."

Caleb sighed as Jester rummaged through her bag, looking at Yasha with another pleading expression, but this time she didn't have a good way to rescue him. Instead, she watched over Jester's shoulder as the tiefling drew a pretty good likeness of Caleb, making him blush again when she told him to turn his head so she could see better, and then pulling out her red ink to illustrate the blush.

Watching Jester draw Caleb this uncomfortable made it harder not to do anything about it, and Yasha pulled out her own journal. "Can I borrow some of your ink?" she asked, "I have flowers and some clover in mine, but I bet if I draw an outline of them, it'll be easier to remember where in the book I usually put them."

Jester smiled, handing her a vial of black ink and a spare pen, and Yasha realized she'd only managed a short distraction. Caleb looked a little less red, though, and maybe it was enough. She opened her book to the four-leaf clover and drew a careful outline of the shape right beside it, so that it looked almost like she had two clovers.

Nott's flowers were more complicated, but as she copied the outlines and watched Jester drawing, her tense back muscles relaxing as she got absorbed into coloring Caleb's increasingly red cheeks, she realized _she_ found it soothing, too.

Caleb was behaving himself, sort of, staring into the dancing light and continuing to blush as Jester watched him. "Do you have things to copy?" Yasha asked, hoping that would help a little. "I sort of like it, actually."

Jester gasped in delight. "Yes! You copy things all the time! I could tell the Traveler about that too! You could model for me. I can draw _lots_ of pictures of you."

This time, Caleb glared sourly and turned his back, pulling in on himself and staring into the fire instead. "Stop that," he grumbled, "I thought you were telling the Traveler about your dream."

They both looked at him for a moment, and then Jester broke the silence. "Well, now I have a good angle to draw how your _ears_ turn red when you blush."

Caleb groaned. For a few minutes, he just stayed sitting with his back to them, his shoulders tense.

Jester rearranged, sprawling on her stomach with her book just under the dancing light Caleb had left behind, and finished off the sketch she was already working on, then took pity on the wizard and announced, "I'm going to draw Yasha drawing. So the Traveler knows I have _two_ very good friends."

It felt weird to be called "very good." It felt weird to be called a friend. Caleb's tense shoulders relaxed, and when he glanced briefly back at them, his eyes were soft. "I think that would be a good drawing," he said.

She almost moved to get out of Jester's line of sight, but if Jester drawing to the Traveler was anything like her listening to a storm, she couldn't quite bring herself to take that away. She rearranged herself to sit in a more comfortable position and tried to ignore the feeling of being studied, but there was only so long she could manage it. "I need to keep watch," she said, looking up and rearranging again, to get the feeling of being observed out of her body, "I'm going to look out there."

"Ok," Jester agreed readily.

Caleb murmured something quiet about Jester's picture being good, but Yasha couldn't focus on that too hard without feeling awash with things again, so she didn't, staring off into the distance to make sure they were still alright. There was no one coming, and nothing visible. Not as far as she could see. Not as far as she could hear. She looked anyway.

She heard more than saw Jester getting tired, the scritching noises of the pen getting a little slower and then a yawn splitting the quiet that had fallen between them.

"You're almost done," Caleb said.

Yasha turned to look. She couldn't see Jester's drawing from this angle, but the way Caleb was looking at her made her think it probably wasn't too bad. "Do you want to try to sleep again?" she asked.

Jester yawned a second time, shaking her head at the end of the yawn. "When I finish," she said, "You're easy to draw. Not a lot of colors."

Yasha snorted.

It wasn't long before Jester yawned a third time, her eyes watering. "I think that is good enough," she said, looking down at her drawing through the almost-tears before reaching up to scrub them away with the back of her sleeve. "Anyway, I bet the Traveler knows what you look like. I bet he's talked to the Stormlord about you. If they were both around at once."

Yasha nodded solemnly.

Jester's usual smile broke a little as she finished tucking her journal and inks into the bag and turned to look back at the clump of their friends on the other side of the fire. Her hands stilled as she stared at the sleeping area, and for a moment, she just looked like a child.

Caleb reached a hand out, and Yasha wondered if it was a response to the same thing she'd just seen. He grabbed her wrist, but his grip looked gentle. "Wait," he said, "I can put the light out." The dancing light winked back out of existence, the cloth that had covered it falling softly to the ground, "You can still sleep over here, if you want."

Jester bit her lip. "No. That would be silly."

"Nein." Caleb said, his voice tight but decisive. "It is -" he breathed, cleared his throat, and then nodded, as much to himself as to them. "In the days after Nott and I broke out of prison, it was easier to sleep when we knew the other one was awake and right there. If you are over here, you will hear that we are awake, and usually that would be bad for sleeping, but right now -" his voice died out and he looked up at Yasha again.

"Oh!" she said, "Yeah! Right now, it would help. 'Cause you'd know we have you."

Jester bit her lip again. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Caleb answered, "If Nott were awake, she would tell you."

Yasha wasn't sure anymore what Nott would tell them, but she nodded anyway. Jester seemed to make enough sense of it. She smiled softly. "Ok. I'll try. As long as it's not silly."

It was a little awkward watching Jester rearrange, settling down between them with her back to the fire, but then she was lying down and her blanket was tucked around her and she wasn't adjusting things anymore, and Yasha looked away, hoping that would help, too. She wasn't sure _she_ could fall asleep while someone was staring at her, so it made sense that Jester wouldn't be able to either.

Quiet settled again, and Yasha let herself ease back into the same routine as before, checking the perimeter, then looking at Caleb to see if he was still awake, then checking the sleeping mounds of their friends, one right after the other, all in order.

Caleb stared off into the distance, glaring pensively into the darkness like he was trying to work something out.

The others were sleeping, and seemed to be peaceful enough.

Jester's eyes were open but unfocused, and that was probably at least closer to sleep than she'd been before.

Nobody was coming.

Caleb was glaring.

The others were asleep.

Jester's eyes were open.

Nobody was coming.

Caleb was glaring. Then, after a moment of her eyes lingering on him, he wasn't.

The wizard sighed, turning to meet her eyes and then glancing down at Jester, who was still curled tight on the ground. From his angle, she was sure he couldn't see that Jester's eyes were open, but the tension in her shoulders and the pace of her breath were both pretty good indicators that she was awake, even without the staring eyes.

Caleb glanced over his shoulder at the rest of the Nein, looking a little furtive. He sighed again, closing his eyes. Then he scooted over, just slightly, getting closer to Jester and resting a hand on her ankle before staring back out into the night.

"Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf," he started, softly, and Yasha almost jumped in surprise.

"Der Vater hüt die Schaf."

His singing voice was actually sort of nice.

"Die Mutter schüttelts Bäumelein."

Jester's eyes had opened wider when he started singing, but she didn't move, looking at Yasha instead.

"Da fällt herab ein Träumelein,"

Yasha smiled gently at both of them, trying to look encouraging.

"Schlaf, Kindlein, schlaf!"

As Caleb finished the first verse and started the second, Jester closed her eyes. Yasha was a little bit surprised she hadn't said anything, but if the tiefling was ready to just take this moment for what it was, that was probably a good thing. She looked up at Caleb, but he didn't react at all, staring off into the darkness as he kept singing.

After the third verse, he started over, the strange syllables getting less strange as she realized he'd sung this part before. She couldn't tell what it meant, but it was soft, and well meant, and she was proud of him.

He sang the whole thing through two more times, then whispered, "Is she asleep yet?"

Yasha looked at him, still staring out into the darkness, refusing to look at either of them, and then down at Jester. Her eyes had been clenched tightly at first, but now they were softer and more relaxed. She looked like her breathing had slowed. She wasn't reacting to the whisper or the end of the song. But even so - "One more time, I think," she answered, "Maybe two. She's close."

Caleb looked at her for the first time since the song had started, then down at Jester, then back out into the night, a faint smile pulling at the edge of his mouth, and Yasha thought he must have caught her. If he had, he didn't say so. He just started the song over again, singing it one time through and then settling into silence.

She resumed her watch, feeling a little more like she could breathe. That was confusing, too, messy like everything else in her life right now, but at least it was a good kind of messy. "One more time," she whispered.

He started again, and by the time he finished, watching was easy, just for a moment, just for long enough that she knew she'd make it to the sunrise.

**Author's Note:**

> I found the lullaby online and the English translation the website gave me was:  
> Sleep, baby, sleep,  
> Thy father guards the sheep,  
> Thy mother shakes the little trees,  
> There falls down one little dream.  
> Sleep, baby, sleep!
> 
> If it's not accurate, please help me out, German speakers!


End file.
